member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
