He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
