Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize