We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
