there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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