Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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