I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
