When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
