The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got inside last night via doggy door
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
