are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
