"it" just moved
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize