Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
