Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dicks are not precious.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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