OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
