Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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