there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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