Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
