I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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