If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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