Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
