I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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