He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
