you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
