Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was CRYING into my vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
