please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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