be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
