Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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