Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
