New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
