She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
