How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
