I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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