he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
