yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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