Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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