He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
