Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
