Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
