Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize