I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
