don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
