R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
