You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
