don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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