Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
