Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
