I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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