Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
