My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Someone shit on the floor
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
