I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize