did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
