so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's never too late to be topless.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
