we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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