Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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