This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
