I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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