I want to walk on stilts...naked
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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