stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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