just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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