I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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