I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
