I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The air was thick with penises
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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