The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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