Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
