So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
