just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
