mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
