it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
