Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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