this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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