If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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