i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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