i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
