Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
