A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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