I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
