her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
