Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
