Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
