Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
