i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
