i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
