Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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