Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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