He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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